I think I have the winter blues.. and some winter lonelies…
I miss socializing time. I have personal time, but it only becomes that because I wind up having nobody to be social with. I have like the opposite schedule of everyone I know, again. I need a midshift job or an early morning. Would really prefer the midshift, or something just super flexible.
I need panackes in my life!
And French toast.
Sausage on the side, please.
Had a wonderful day with the loveliest man.
Every time we’re together I swoon.
One day, I hope we’ll get to spend every night and every morning together.
One of my biggest fears, if not the biggest, is being forgotten and being neglected/ignored. To me that is like saying my existence doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. Anything and everything I have done doesn’t matter. I am nobody and I mean nothing.
When someone I care about evokes those feelings in me it breaks my heart. It makes me so incredibly sad. It makes me feel worthless. I get really upset and my eyes tear up. I feel so, so alone and depressed.
I don’t like to let on that I’m a sensitive person. I don’t like to let people know I’m actually quite needy. My feelings are fairly easily hurt. I don’t cry much because I think it’s a sign of weakness. I don’t like to share my most honest feelings often because those aren’t things people deserve to know.
"When she is happy, she can’t stop talking, when she is sad she doesn’t say a word."
It’s hot outside. My employment hasn’t started yet (it’s been like 3 weeks since I left the cupcake hell hole). I took a cooking position to cater meals for private flights. In other news, I’ve been starting to hit the gym again. I watched that insanity infomercial this morning and am like why the fuck am going to the gym if I could look like THAT in 2 months..? And then I realize I’m not that committed to looking that fucking hot within 2 months and going to the gym and watching my diet is better suited for my life right now. So i decided not to feel bad about not having that level of commitment to my fitness right now.
Now I’m watching Les Miserables on my bed.
I’m also browsing shit on the internet for things to do this wedding catering thing..
Livin’ it up..
It shouldn’t hurt my feelings that someone deleted me off facebook, but i mean it was someone i had a real connection with for over a year and we were close. All of a sudden we’re not friends and not even facebook friends. I guess both of our feelings got hurt yesterday after what did and didn’t happen. You were too aggressive. And I just shut down. I don’t know what I really expected, but I guess it was a mistake. If you would have let me warm back up to you after not seeing each other for so many months, I think things would have played out differently. But you were insisting and pushy and aggressive with me. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings and I don’t think you meant to hurt mine, but it happened and I guess we’re really not friends anymore.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone actually winds up where they thought they would be in life when they reach a certain age… I know I haven’t yet.
I want sweets right now.. A LOT of them..
fluffy french toast
extra buttery almond-n-chocolate croissants
chewy chips ahoy
frosted circus animal cookies
… did i miss anything?
I’m sure there’s more..